Attention to details, visual-spatial thinkers, and assessment and design process

As part of my reply to a question on an email list, I made the following statement:

I think attention to detail can be taught as a skill that one can turn off and on when needed. This is like the process of design that can be teased out into small steps and taught as a strategy. Building visual discriminatory skills is a part of this.

And someone replied asking: Sounds intriguing but I don’t entirely follow. Can you elaborate or point me to an existing resource?

So I’ll try to elaborate on my thoughts here: 

The background: I am a visual spatial thinker among other things, and it has taken me a while to learn how to manage my brain and thinking processes better. Metacognition takes some practice and some self-awareness. I am also a fast processor and burdened by perfectionism. It takes a lot of energy for me to slow down and take in details, and I would much prefer not being bogged down by too many details (I tend to want others to GO FASTER). “Details” here is a shade of gray of course, and one person’s idea of a lot of details is not another’s. For a subject that is fun for me, details are not a bother and indeed a pleasure. If it is an uninteresting topic, or one in an area I feel is not my strength, I tend to resist taking in details for various reasons. If I am tired, bored, restless, distracted, or uninterested, it takes me a lot more energy to slow down and focus to pay attention to details.

I imagine a large switchboard with flip switches on it, and my resting state may be a few switches on (some days more than others!), but if I am faced with a task that requires more out of me, I need to flip a few more switches on. I imagine both sheer “energy” switches as well as cognitive switches i.e. how awake I am. The hardest most demanding tasks need all my switches on and it is very tiring both mentally and physically. One of the things I loved and hated about intensive care nursing is that I never knew how many switches on I would need until I got started on my shift. I also have not experienced another time in my life where I needed all switches on as often as I did, but I’m getting off-topic.

One of the ways to help reduce the energy and frustration of having to slow down and process things more thoroughly and more slowly is to just shore up that skill set. Editors and copyeditors have a great skill set like this: they can turn off their critical eye to some degree if they want to read for pleasure, but when at work on an important document, that critical eye gets turned all the way on. Of course as their critical eye gets more skilled and more routine, it takes less energy to accomplish it and they begin to do it without needing so much conscious attention to copyediting, and for some it becomes so routine and ingrained they can’t turn it off anymore.

Doctors and nurses learn how to do an assessment. This process is broken down into not only body systems, but also how to observe with all the senses and how to ask questions to gather more data. This is a long laborious process to learn step by step, but as practitioners get more fluid and gain expertise, the assessment process can be performed very quickly (think about a trauma situation.)

There are many ways to help build the detail skill set. One well-known way to help people relax is a script that helps them relax every part of their body one by one by naming, and therefore bring attention to every part of their body in a particular sequence, and as they practice this relaxation process, it becomes routine and less conscious and laborious. For young children, hidden picture puzzles are a great start. Does the child find half of the hidden items easily and then give up in frustration? Or do they work at it and remain calm and patient until all are found?

As I mentioned, the design process is also a good way to begin to build up this mental process of slowing down and considering the parts that make the whole. This can be done simply and with young children. When they sit down to draw a picture, they can begin to think and describe what they want to draw, and the colors they plan on using, and what if any textures or other items they want to add. If they are gluing items on paper, will it be in a pattern? Are they seeing and using the whole paper? Again this process of design before creation can be used with anything and done simply – with legos, blocks, etc. Part of the skill for young children is being patient enough to think about design, and the second part is being able to articulate their ideas and then execute them. This extends that split second thought of the idea they want to create and slows it down, allowing some digestion, expansion, and purposeful approach that can be tailored and used towards other things that can benefit from purposeful approach and attention to detail.

To tie this back in, if I have a design or attention to detail process that I have practiced, when I need to pay attention to details, I know to take a deep breath, purposefully slow my brain down, and systematically look and observe details that my tendency is to skip over. Some days when I am tired, I need good nutrition and no distractions if the task is complex, difficult, and detailed.

I think anyone can learn to improve their ability to take in and process details, and there are many ways to build on this as a skill set. It is equally important to practice whatever process you’ve adapted so that when you need to utilize it, it is not a laborious task.

 

Article: Confessions of a homeschooler on Salon.com

With the traditional school year now underway, and parents all over the country readjusting to life with their children in public school, waves of them are deciding that it isn’t working. Another wave of homeschooling articles and requests for information is following it. September is a busy month for homeschooling organizations how fields calls and emails from parents needing help and asking about homeschooling, because their current schooling choice is not working out.

Here is some link to a recent article – one of a cluster that have come out about homeschooling recently:

Confessions of a home-schooler by Andrew O’Hehir

 ”As I say, I understand this a little bit better than I did at first. For one thing, I’m not sure any man can really grasp the competing and largely incompatible demands faced these days by American women, who are expected to be providers, power brokers, nurturers and sex symbols, either all at the same time or in rapid succession. Whether they’re working-class or middle-class, most working mothers feel fundamentally torn between home and the workplace. They get shunted into mommy-track careers if they seem insufficiently devoted to their corporate overlords while getting grief from mothers-in-law for not spending enough time with the kids. They’re doing the best they can and it’s not that much fun, and the last thing they want to hear is somebody telling them, in effect, that they must have missed the latest memo on hip 21st-century motherhood: You’re supposed to quit your job and spend your days reading your kids “Oliver Twist”! Home schooling is the new black!”

I think this article has a few good thoughts and passages like this. Like another article I have posted about, the comments section holds yet another experience of reading. The general public of America scares me if this is reflective of it. I have my doubts about that latter part though. Once again we find some common sense, some insightful comments, some food for thought, but also a lot of harmful myth perpetuation, bigotry and hate, and irrational streams of thought and a sprinkling of political and social arguments thrown in.

This article also references The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List by Deborah Markus.

Blog post link: What public school did not teach me

This post is a bit belated, but I am going ahead with it.  I found this post by a college age student. There is nothing in here about homeschooling, and this person was a public school student all the way through. Still, this post is a great reminder of all the things homeschooling can give a child that traditional schools can’t.

Direct link to post: http://caffeinecoma.wordpress.com/2009/08/15/what-public-school-did-not-teach-me/

REPOSTED text from the above blog post (spelling mistakes and all):

I have lived in the same small town for 19 years.  I was born here and went from preschool on up to even my first year of college.

I’ll give small towns credit, they do bring people together into a very close-knit “family” of sorts, but living in a veritable social bubble did not prepare me for being a grown up.  As I get closer and closer to college, I realize that I’m lacking in so much essential information about lots of things. This is mostly because I went to public school in a school system that focuses on testing rather than learning…and there are many things I wish I had learned.

Public school didn’t teach me to play outside. Recess ended at 6th grade (earlier for some), but the outdoors are crucial to a child’s development long after they shut you in and put you in front of a whiteboard.  No wonder so many kids are being misdiagnosed as having ADD or ADHD…they’re anxious to get outside and run around!!

Public school didn’t teach me the darker side of things. There was always a clear definition of right and wrong, but there were times when I knew that the books were biased for or against a certain side.  Yes, southerners during the Civil War were slave owners , but President Lincoln wasn’t a hero on a white stallion.  Lincoln never even opposed slavery to keep up his approval rating…a true politician.  I am now finding out the truth behind many events I thought were set in stone…and it’s an odd feeling.

Public school didn’t teach me to write in cursive.  My mother always bragged about her days in Catholic School.  The nuns were sticklers for penmenship and my mother, being left handed, was one of the best in her class.  I have good handwriting; it’s no John Handcock, but it’s very neat.  However, I can’t say the same for most of my classmates.  Teachers have become more handwriting interpreters and have turned to Scantron tests to avoid having to read shoddy handwriting.  Is that an “A” or a “Q”?  I can’t tell.

Public school didn’t teach me that there are other people out there that are different than me. In a town composed of the Caucasian (I hate that word) middle-class, I never really got to experience different culture.  I’ve been interested in different culture–small town hasn’t turned me into a bigot–but exposure would have been nice.

Public school didn’t teach me to protest and to change the way my world is. It more taught me how to just accept the way things were because I didn’t know any different.  Honestly, it wasn’t all that bad…I just wish that now I had more of a fighting spirit like my hippie parents.

But mostly, public school didn’t teach me anything about Life!  I’m leaving for college in a week and I don’t know what to expect.  I’m surprised I even know how to write a check or put gas in my car.  I can’t believe that I know the quadratic formula but I don’t know how to pay bills or build good credit.  I’m being thrown (somewhat) into a “sink-or-swim” situation I have no flotation device.  Sure, public school is a wonderful invention that enables every child to get a good education…I’m not doubting that.  I just think it should be an option to take a class in practical, real  life situations–one that doesn’t teach you to make a great souffle.

So, thank you Public School, for preparing me academically for the real world.  I’ll be able to recite all 50 states and find the hypotenuse side of a right triangle, but don’t expect me to understand why I’m $10,000 in debt and don’t expect me to sew on your button.

 

Documentary: The War on Kids

 

The War on Kids documentary is making its way around as various groups and institutions (Universities) host screenings. You can buy the DVD directly on this website.

http://www.thewaronkids.com/MAIN.html

Don’t be afraid to use the term homeschooling

There are four legal ways to homeschool in California. Other states have their own laws and ways that vary quite a bit. In California, you can join a PSP or file to declare a private school (this used to be called the R4).

I have heard some disagreement over terminology from a few different people. Legally, one does not “homeschool” in California. You either belong to a public school or a private school. There are public charters that have homeschooling options or are 100% home study, and the PSP and private school options are – well, private schools. The only other option is to hire a tutor, but I’ll ignore that one for the time being.

So the more legally paranoid amongst homeschoolers never use the word “homeschool’, particularly when communicating to education and government officials. While I sympathize with wanting to avoid legal conflict, avoidance of the term “homeschooling” really does not fool anyone, nor does it to the world of homeschooling any favors. As long as a homeschooling family is compliant with the laws, the familiar and commonly used term “homeschooling” should not be avoided. While it is legally correct to say “We are a private school”, it is even more correct to say “We are a legal private school and choose to homeschool.” or ” We homeschool as a legally recognized private school”. For public ISPs, there is no reason at all to avoid the term “homeschooling”.

 Homeschooling is a common term that is widely recognized by the community at large. While homeschoolers struggle to gain respect and recognition for themselves and this highly individualized educational option, it becomes increasingly important that the language we use supports our common knowledge and community. Fear and avoidance will not help homeschoolers anywhere. While homeschooling may never become truly mainstream, fear of identifying ourselves as homeschoolers will effectively isolate and divide us. Imagine trying to find community as a new homeschooler and not finding support because local homeschoolers refuse to identify themselves as such. If school districts are successful in intimidating families into hiding, that successful intimidation will only spread.

The take home message is to be aware of the laws, be compliant with the laws, know how you are legally entitled to hoemschool, and then proudly identify yourselves as homeschoolers. The current and the next generation of homeschoolers will thank you for putting aside legal intimidation for the betterment of the homeschool community.

Things I learned during my search for an elementary school

I was recently asked where I send my kids if I had not made the decision to homeschool them. Well that answer is clouded because I was specifically looking for local schools that could handle a 2E kid. I didn’t find any that I felt good about. I did find some schools that would probably be just fine if your child doesn’t have either special need (gifted or learning differences). I did learn a lot during my frantic tour of many of my local schools and in attending parent information nights etc. I wrote this up for a friend, but I realized maybe it would help someone else in their searches for a school for their child. I recommend not only organizing your thoughts, but literally organizing your search by making a spreadsheet of all the possibilities and the details of each school. It is much easier to refer to a spreadsheet than to try to recall each detail weeks later. If you can do some reading, try Alfie Kohn’s book “What to Look for in a Classroom”. Homeschooling is not for everyone, and there are good options for many families out there.

Here are a few things I learned during my search for a school:

1. The most important thing is to talk to school administration. The most damaging attitude that school administration and teachers can have is that of irrefutable expert. Parents are the experts on their children, period. In one school I was told, in sequence, that 1) the school supported multiple intelligences (i.e. visual learners, auditory, kinesthetic) 2) but that all children were gifted and 3) they did not recognize (literally) the existence of non-neurotypical learners (i.e. gifted learners). This makes no sense and follows no logic. And yet they firmly and repeatedly made these statements. Does the administration make absolute authoritative statements, or is the door open for real dialogue? Are parents asked to sign a form saying they will not question the teacher’s authority?
2. How does the school talk to parents? Are you treated with respect, and spoken to with respect? Or are you spoken to poorly? I was in a parent education night were the entire adult audience was lectured very disrespectfully about the sign in sheet for the meeting. If an administrator talks like that to adults, how do they talk to the children? Does the administration and do the teachers see parents as valuable partners in education, and then do they follow through with that in actions? Do they give lip service to parents and then dismiss them? Do they openly tell parents that teachers are the experts without exception and that parents need to be quiet and “get out of the way?” Do the teachers feel empowered and respected bythe administration? Has their been high turnover?
3. For small schools – do they have a good back up plan if their key administrator or teacher is out? Or do they rely firmly on one or two key personnel? Know going in what the situation is, and make a backup plan should the school start having personnel issues.
4. Know your child. Are they sensitive to noise? Then maybe they will not do best in a large, combined classroom that has busy walls and a playground outside the window. Are they very active? Some schools make accommodations for wiggly children and allow them to stand or move around more during worktime.
5. Know normal child development. Child development is a science, and is well documented. If a school claims to have an “accelerated” curriculum, ask what that means. Some schools implement demands on children that are not in any way supported by what we know to be normal child development for reading and writing (as an example).
6. Plan on being involved. Find out what parents are required to do and asked to do under the radar. Many parents are surprised to find their chosen school has a PTA that “asks” each parent for a donation with a heavy hand. Find out who the other parents are that are involved in your child’s classroom and school. Some schools rely on the volunteering parents in the classroom to implement the curriculum with the teacher being the manager of the parents and acting as a resource. Yes, you read that right. Make sure you are comfortable with other parents implementing the curriculum and how you will handle it if you think a particular parent is not a good teacher.
7. If your child will likely need a GATE type of program be aware that GATE typically does not start until 2^nd or 3^rd grade, and many gifted students need differentiated curriculum earlier than that. Ask if the GATE teacher has specialized gifted education training. Many don’t and this is a major item you need to be aware of. (Would you expect a sign language teacher who doesn’t know sign language to be assigned to teach it?) Gifted education does not mean “more of the same.”
8. If you are required to volunteer in the classroom, ask what accommodations if any are made for younger siblings. Some schools have parents co-ops to babysit the younger siblings of enrolled students, but most do not. You will be responsible for meeting the volunteer requirements and scheduling your employment and child care needs around them.
9. Be aware that private schools are not accountable to anyone. There is no true regulating body and no requirements of them. Private schools can teach anything they like and are not bound by any requirements to California state standards, testing, hiring qualified teachers etc. If something happens to your child, there is no one to “report” it to. Some private schools have formed cooperative alliances that hold each other accountable to the standards they themselves decide on. A school accredited by WASC does fall under those guidelines, but anyone concerned about accreditation and the ability for regulation and complaint follow through should read these websites thoroughly: http://www.acswasc.org/faq.htm#15 and http://www.acswasc.org/pdf_general/ComplaintProcedures.pdf
10. One note about homeschooling: it isn’t for everyone. However the is one myth in particular that should be dispelled. The typical protests given by most people i.e. time constraints, money constraints, what about testing, I can’t be with my kids all day – are absolutely not barriers or real concerns to homeschooling. Those concerns are usually voiced by those who have not yet learned what homeschooling really is and isn’t, and what a homeschool look and acts like. The real initial challenge to new homeschoolers is to identify, challenge, and let go of those internally held beliefs based on public school training that we believe are true but are not.
11. Lastly, the best way to ensure your child has a good education is to let go of the idea what sending them off to school everyday gives your child everything they need. It is still your responsibility to ensure they get a good education, build social skills (including ethics and daily living skills) and are happy well adjusted people. Teachers are not trained to identify and diagnose learning or social problems. You have to be the primary manager of your child’s educational experience, and formal school only means you have more people to manage and monitor, a new system to understand and navigate, and a layer between you and your child to adapt to. Be aware that schools increasingly engage in social training. Understand what they are going to be teaching your child when so you are not surprised if your Kindergarten student comes home with a signed anti-drug promise, or your middle schooler is surveyed with detailed questions about their mental health and sexual activity. (I don’t make this stuff up!)
12. Be prepared for your child to be confronted with violence, guns, drugs, sexual knowledge, and peer-related stress very early on in their school careers. Prepare yourself ahead of time to be open and willing to talk about these topics with your children.
13. Be your teacher’s support. Ask them what they need. Ask them for their opinions and observations, even if you think they are wrong. Find a way to build a collaborative working relationship with them, because they are in charge of your child’s daily experience.

three areas for improvement for homeschooled students heading for college

The following is an article attributed to Greg Landry that is floating around the Internet. I cannot find the original source of it, so if anyone can cite it please let me know.

I think these observations and recommendations are sound ones. I have heard other homeschoolers echo the same. Happily, improving the three notes below are not difficult to do. Setting reasonable deadline and using the occasional timer for a test should not be a hardship for a high schooled homeschooler. I realize some die-hard unschoolers may have issue with this, but with college in mind, some accommodations and compromises might need to be made. College is not a homeschool situation, and there should be some transition help from homeschool to college. It is also nice to read the “desirable” characteristics he has noted in college students who were homeschooled. #2 should help put to rest (again) those socialization concerns some have.

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Desirable characteristics of homeschoolers:

1. They are independent learners and do a great job of taking initiative and being responsible for learning. They don’t have to be “spoon fed” as many students do. This gives them an advantage at two specific points in their education; early in college and in graduate education.

2. They handle classroom social situations (interactions with their peers and professors)
very well. In general, my homeschooled students are a pleasure to have in class. They greet me when the enter the class, initiate conversations when appropriate, and they don’t hesitate to ask good questions. Most of my students do none of these.

3. They are serious about their education and that’s very obvious in their attitude, preparedness, and grades.

Areas where homeschooled students can improve:

1. They come to college less prepared in the sciences than their schooled counterparts -
sometimes far less prepared. This can be especially troublesome for pre-professional
students who need to maintain a high grade point average from the very beginning.

2. They come to college without sufficient test-taking experience, particularly with
timed tests. Many homeschooled students have a high level of anxiety when it comes to taking timed tests.

3. Many homeschooled students have problems meeting deadlines and have to adjust to that in college. That adjustment time in their freshman year can be costly in terms of the way it affects their grades.

My advice to homeschooling parents:

1. If your child is even possibly college bound and interested in the sciences, make
sure that they have a solid foundation of science in the high school years.

2. Begin giving timed tests by 7th or 8th grade I’m referring to all tests that students take, not just national, standardized tests.

I think it is a disservice to not give students timed tests. They tend to focus better and score higher on timed tests, and, they are far better prepared for college and graduate education if they’ve taken timed tests throughout the high school years.

In the earlier years the timed tests should allow ample time to complete the test as long as the student is working steadily. The objective is for them to know it’s timed yet not to feel a time pressure. This helps students to be comfortable taking timed tests and develops confidence in their test-taking abilities.

3. Give your students real deadlines to meet in the high school years. If it’s difficult for students to meet these deadlines because they’re coming from mom or dad, have them take “outside” classes; online, co-op, or community college.

Greg Landry is a 14 year veteran homeschool dad and college professor. He also teaches one and two semester online science classes, and offers free 45 minute online seminars..
http://www.HomeschoolScienceAcademy.com

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My notes:

Greg Landry is director of the Human Anatomy and Physiology Laboratory at Appalachian State University. He teaches Human Anatomy and Physiology Lab to pre-professional students (pre-med, biology, chemistry, exercise science, pre-physical therapy, pre-dental, etc.). He also teaches a variety of online science classes to 6th – 12th grade homeschooled students. Greg has a master of science degree from Louisiana State University (LSU).

I do appreciate that he discloses that he offers online science classes via his website noted above since part of his advice involves science classes. Since finding science course, particularly lab science courses, is a common concern for homeschooling high schoolers, I don’t think his recommendation will come as a surprise to anyone.

HSLDA article: Progress Report 2009 – Homeschool Academic Achievement and Demographics

Although I firmly wish an independent research body would do some current research on homeschoolers, at least someone is looking at current trends and statistics. Maybe one day homeschool opponents will be satisfied, but I am doubtful. Some people just equate regulation and conformity with “safety” and control. I think homeschooling is just beyond those concerns.

Progress Report 2009: Homeschool Academic Achievement and Demographics:

Pre-press release article: http://www.hslda.org/docs/study/ray2009/2009_Ray_StudyFINAL.pdf

HSLDA article about this report: http://www.hslda.org/docs/news/200908100.asp

 

 

If they aren’t in school, they will be playing video games

In today’s edition of the San Jose Mercury News, there is a special opinion article written by Muhammed Chaundry and Roger Quinlan about California state budget cuts and summer school. The article can be found here: http://www.mercurynews.com/opinion/ci_12976963?nclick_check=1

The purpose of the article is to mourn the “missed opportunity” of offering more public school so that children can reach greater “achievement” (measured how I wonder?) I will not engage the debate about summer school and children who need extra support in their public school education. That discussion goes far beyond the scope (and time I have) for this post.

I do want to comment on the first paragraph of this article, which is this:

Planted on the couch, with TV remote or PlayStation controller firmly in hand, many kids lazily pass away the summer. Sound productive? Of course not. But it may be the reality for a larger number of our local students this year because of large-scale cuts to summer school in Silicon Valley and throughout the state.

I am continually amazed at the sensationalistic portrayal of children and the underlying threat of what might happen if they are not in school. The above paragraph says that children are either in summer school – or they are wasting away on the couch playing video games. This black and white, all or none statement is dramatic and meant to make an emotional impact, and it is just so wrong. Not only does it completely discount any parental involvement, but it views children as having no internal motivation or desires whatsoever. I doubt a lot of thought was put into this article’s first paragraph, but unfortunately I see things like this in print all the time.

Does anyone consider that thoughtless writing like this collectively undermines families? Do people mindlessly read these sentences and agree with them? Do parents really feel like their only hope for their children is summer public school? What about family time? What about fun? Yes – fun – the kind of fun that solidifies social relationships, physical fitness, and simply developmentally appropriate play? Children, tween, and teens do still benefit from play. What about supporting skills and interests outside of the public school setting – something that no amount of summer school will accomplish?

Let educators and thoughtless guest editorial writers know that there are other choices for your children other than the options of school or mindless zombification. Whether your child benefits from public summer school or not, there are other choices, ways and means of supporting your children’s education and development needs. The benefits of parental and family involvement, and an active summer, far outweigh the benefits of the “more of the same” of public summer school.

Accepting a child’s social avoidance of adults

Young infants don’t like direct intense gaze. Initially, they don’t even accept it from their parents, and then as they accept the familiar faces, they only avoid the intense gaze of strangers. Most people know not to stare hard directly in an infants face, and if they do they are able to read the infants body language enough to dicern that the infant is uncomfortable with it. Some insistent self absorbed or socially inept adults may not get it until a protective parent clues them in or removes the infant.

This is perfectly normal developmentally for infants. The behavior makes perfect sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Ten thousand years ago it was in an infant’s best interest to keep the attention of its parents and avoid the intense interest, or threat, of strange adults. In the animal world, a direct staring gaze is a threat, and we like to think we are far from our animal roots, but that gets disproved rather easily. I would also ad that it seems to me that children have an uncanny knack of knowing when someone wants something from them. I have seen more refusals to be social with unfamiliar adults – and there always seemed to be some underlying sense that the adult wanted something from them. The best strategy I have seen infrequently visiting family members use is t ignore the child completely, and let the child watch them for a while, and soon enough the child initiates contact.

Have our social expectations of children changed over time? I would say yes, it has only been in very recent history that our social expectations of children have changed. Imagine seeing something on medieval times on PBS: a man in armor on horseback rises towards a town, and the children of the town readily come out, look him in the face, and greet him, telling the knight all about themselves? Of course not. The TV show, trying to be somewhat accurate, might have the children scurrying away off to the side. Until very recently, children were to be seen and not heard at best.

When do we stop accepting a child’s social avoidance of non-parent adults in today’s American culture? I would hazard to say that we are beginning not to accept it at all, and I think this is fundamentally wrong. Since I have had children, I have had to run interference with so many adults who presume to address my young children directly, and start asking them questions, and then act put off if my children don’t perform for them as they want. My stance is that my children are not required to answer a stranger’s questions. they are not required, at age 5 and younger, to be socially bold and converse openly with strangers. Often they do, and perhaps a bit too much for me since my children are not shy.

What I have a harder time with are the adults who just don’t know when to back off. I’ve even had a physician (not the pediatrician, it was an adult medicine specialist) proceed to throw several questions at my son who did not want to talk to him. The physician’s attitude was not kind, and he was rather arrogantly dismissive since he did not get answers. This is just one of so many encounters I’ve had with adults who go way beyond a friendly hello, who just don’t know when to quit, and who refuse to back off physically and verbally until a parent firmly intervenes. Some adults may not be that practiced with young children, but surely any socially competent adult can understand a refusal to speeak, look at , or acknowledge someone. It is not a game or a challenge to try harder. For me, this comes down to two things – unrealistic expectations, and a lack of respect for children. It may go beyond a respect for children and bleed into the simple respect for others (Pregnant women usually get a strong dose of this same aggressive questioning/ advice type of behavior from strangers.)

I welcome comments on this. Is this aggressive behavior from adults to children, insisting on social engagement – getting worse? Why? Is it lack of knowledge? Lack of the adults social skills? Lack of respect for individuals and/or children? At what age does one expect a child will be able to interact with adults comfortably? How do we support the growth of self esteem in children while protecting them from overly aggressive adults?  Do we allow them to dictate with whom and under what circumstances they feel comfortable gaining those social skills?  What do you do as a parent? Do you take the child’s lead and let them refuse to interact with a stranger, and support them emotionally? Do you encourage them to interact even when they are clearly uncomfortable? Do you firmly scold them if they don’t perform socially, say, in the grocery store when someone starts asking them questions?